Broken
by paperplaness
Summary: Dean is forced to leave Sam after John finds out about their relationship, Sam cant cope and Dean is broken. Wincest, pre-series.
1. The End

This will be a series, its unbeta'd (so sue me) and it's pre-series. Sam is 15, Dean is 19.

'How long?' John hissed

'Dad'

'How long Dean?' John said, he wanted to shout, he wanted to scream, but he didn't want to wake his youngest son sleeping in the bedroom.

'About a year now'

John clenched his fist, he put the bottle of beer down and looked at his eldest son before punching him in the face.

Dean didn't expect the punch, it hit him hard just underneath his right eye. It hurts like a bitch, but Dean won't let John see him in pain.

'By the time I get back Dean' John whispers 'I want you gone, do you understand me? I want you out of mine and Sam's lives forever, do you understand me? You sick bastard'

Dean just nods before John leaves, slamming the door as he does. He doesn't care that, tonight will probably be the last time he ever sees his father, he doesn't care that the right side of his face is swollen and painful. He doesn't even know or care where he is going to go or what he is going to do for money. All he cares about right now is Sam.

He slowly opens the door to his and Sam's bedroom, he smiles and he sees his sleeping baby brother sleeping, he is lying on his side, breathing in and out. Dean doesn't think he's ever seen anyone sleep more peacefully and look more beautiful in his life.

He quietly shoves some clothes into his bag, it's not so easy in the dark but he manages. He then puts on his jacket and slowly kneels down beside his sleeping brother.

'Hey Sam' He whispers 'Wake up Sammy'

Sam stirs, Dean's heart beats faster as he watches his brothers eyes flutter open.

'Dean' Sam says, voice dry from sleeping.

'Hey Sammy' Dean whispers.

Sam slowly sits up and rubs his eyes 'What's up?'

'Nothing' Dean lies 'Dads gone out'

Sam smiles 'Oh' before pulling Dean closer towards him.

Sam runs his tongue across Deans bottom lip, asking for entry which Dean happily grants, the kiss is hungry Dean wants to savour every second he gets with his baby brother. He tries not to think about what he's about to do, he just wants to take these precious seconds to enjoy this kiss.

Sam grudgingly pulls away still looking at Dean. Dean looks away cos it hurts too much to look at his little brother right now. He can feel his heart beat faster.

'This' Dean closes his eyes 'This isn't workin out for me anymore Sam'

Sam laughed 'I know it's not ideal, I hate sneaking around but what's the other option? Tell dad? He'd fucking kill us both!'

'No, Sam that isn't what I mean' Dean paused for a second, trying to gain some composure 'I don't want this anymore'

Dean watches the smile from Sam's face disappear into a look of pure confusion.

'What?'

Dean turns so he's not facing Sam anymore. He can't look at Sam, it hurts too much.

'This. _Us. _I can't do it anymore' Dean bites his lip 'I don't want this anymore'

'Have I done something wrong Dean?' Sam asks

Dean's heart aches, it's just like Sam to blame himself.

'No Sam, you haven't' Dean takes a deep breath 'I just can't do this anymore'

'No' Sam says as he stands up 'You don't mean that Dean'

Dean turns to look at Sam, he can feel his hands shaking. He looks into those hazel green eyes.

'I do Sam, I don't want you anymore'

'No' Sam says, his voice is starting to crack now and he can feel the tears start to form as he pulls Dean towards him 'You're lying Dean' He says before pulling Dean into another kiss, Dean can feel the desperation, the passion and the fear in Sam's kiss. Dean wants to kiss Sam back, just kiss him and kiss him and never stop. But instead he pushes him and breaks the kiss.

'No Sam' Dean says as he looks away. He wants nothing more than to tell Sam it's all a fucking lie but he can't. But instead he's lying through his teeth as he stands there in the dark, trying will all his power not to cry.

'I don't want you Sam, I never have. You were just a fuck'

Dean watches as the words go into Sam like a knife, watches as he sees Sam's face become expressionless, watches as the silent tears fall down his brother's cheeks. He wants to die.

'I'm leaving' Dean says, he's trying so hard not to let any emotion out right now as he picks up his bag and walks towards the door.

'I love you Dean' Sam whispers quietly, voice shaky from crying. It makes Dean stop for a second.

Then Dean leaves.

Sam thinks he will wake up, this is some horrible, awful nightmare. It's only when he digs his fingernails hard into his arm that he realises that this isn't a dream anymore. Instead he pulls his knees up to his face and cries. He cries and he cries and he doesn't think he will ever stop.

Dean is still walking, it's cold and dark and the train station is a few miles away. He walks until he can't anymore.

He stops by the side of the road and throws up, his hands are shaking and his heart is pounding against his chest. He pounds his fist into the brick wall until it bleeds, maybe he's broke a knuckle or two. He doesn't care.

Sam's voice is still in his head, saying **'I love you Dean'**__over and over again. Dean sits there on the concrete ground in the middle or nowhere and he cries. He cries and he cries and he doesn't think he will ever stop.


	2. Aftermath

Okay wow at the response to this, didn't expect that. Thank you very much guys :')

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It was nearly eight when Sam woke up from the little sleep he had, which was about two hours. He slept in his brother's bed, inhaling his brother's scent. He cried himself to sleep, dreaming about the events of the night before. He knew he should hate Dean, he should go and shower and wash all living memory of him away, but all Sam did was miss him and he was admittedly still in shock from the whole thing. He didn't know where Dean had gone, or what John's reaction would be to discover his eldest son had left but he didn't care. He just felt completely numb to the outside world.

Sam got up and got dressed, even though he feels like crap and barely slept. There's no way John will let him have the day off. He knows John will kick off when he finds Dean gone, so he'd rather be out of the house when he does.

He went into the kitchen to find John sitting there, drinking coffee and reading the paper. John looked up when he saw Sam

'Hey son'

'Hey dad' Sam said as he walked over to the sink and poured himself a glass of water

'What time do you finish school?'

'Three' Sam said quietly

'I will pick you up' John said

'Okay'

Sam sat down beside his father, was confused why John wasn't asking about Dean. But he didn't want to say anything, he didn't even want to think about Dean right now, but it was the only thing he could think about. Dean's voice inside his head. He closed his eyes and saw Dean's greens eyes staring back at him. He wanted to cry, he wanted to shout and he wanted to smash something. But he just sat there, sipping on water before John stood up.

'Come on, I'll give you a lift to school'

The car ride was awkward. Neither one of them speaks on the journey. They eventually get to Sam's school, Sam said goodbye to John and went to open the door

'Sam, hold on a minute' John says, stopping Sam from leaving.

'Okay dad' Sam said nervously, he knew this would be about Dean.

'I know you know that Dean has gone' John said quietly, not being able to bring himself to look at his youngest son.

John took a deep breath

'_He's not coming back, ever, he won't ever hurt you again Sammy'_

Sam felt confusion and shock at the same time. John knew that Dean had gone? And for some reason John had thought Dean had _hurt _Sam?

'Dad' Sam said before John cut him off

'We don't have to talk about this ever again Sam. Now you'd better go or you'll be late'

Dean didn't sleep.

He had spent the whole night walking to the train station, he'd considered going to Bobby's but he didn't want to deal with any questions so he decided to head to head east.

He ended up getting on a train to Camden New Jersey, it seemed as good a place as any. He was running out of cash but he would have enough to find a crummy motel room to sleep in for a few days.

Dean sat on the train looking out the window, he couldn't think of anything else but Sam. The look on Sam's face, like someone had just plunged a knife through his chest, fresh inside his mind. Dean wanted to cry, he wanted to scream. But somewhere deep down he questioned whether him leaving had been the worst thing. Sam would eventually get over him, meet someone else, maybe a nice pretty girl and get a chance of a normal life. Just the thought of Sam with anyone but him made him want to throw up. But if it meant that Sam could have a normal relationship, where he could openly kiss someone, hold their hand and do all the things normal couples do instead of sneaking around in the dark, then maybe Sam was better off without him.

It didn't stop it from hurting less though.

Sam didn't pay any attention to a single class in school, he didn't sit by any of his classmates at lunch. He let his father go on about how he was getting Sam's favourite take out on the way home. He had let John talk about how it was the right time for Sam to start hunting, he had even shown enthusiasm just to please his father. But as he lay in bed at night, he couldn't think of anything other than what his father had said to him that morning.

'_He's not coming back, ever, he won't ever hurt you again Sammy'_

Just what did John mean? He knew his sons better than anyone and sure, they had arguments but Dean had never been really violent towards Sam, fuck, he'd never been really violent towards anyone except demons. Sam remembered this one time in New Mexico a few months back, they had been on a particular nasty hunt. As usual Sam had to wait in the car with the doors locked but he'd let his curiosity get the better of him and went to look for Dean. That was when it came at him, this strange man with one missing eye and a slashed up face. He grabbed Sam by the neck and strangled him. Sam honestly though he was going to die until it just instantly disappeared, he looked up to find Dean running towards him, gun in one hand, lighter fuel in the other.

'Sam'

Dean slowly helped his panicked brother into the back of the Impala before sitting beside him.

'You're hurt Sammy'

Dean slowly ran his hand along Sam's neck, which was red from the thing strangling him so hard. Sam closed his eyes when Dean touched him, he got goose bumps at the touch and it sent shivers down his spine. Dean's cold hand touching his warm skin, making his heart thump and his stomach spin. Dean ran his hand along Sam's shoulder and then around the nape of Sam's neck.

'Dean' Sam whispered

'For a second there, I thought I'd lost you' Dean said 'Don't ever scare me like that again' he whispered before softly pressing his lips against Sam's. Sam deepened the kiss, they could have stayed like that forever, Sam thought. In the middle of nowhere in the freezing cold in the back of the Impala. It had been one of the happiest memories Sam had until Dean had destroyed it.

''_I don't want you Sam, I never have. You were just a fuck'___

Sam realised at that moment that all of his memories he had with Dean had been murdered by that one single sentence.

Dean lay awake in his motel bed. He was so tired from having no sleep the night before but he couldn't shut his eyes without seeing his brother_, __**his**_ Sammy. He knew Sam would get over it but he missed his brother so much it physically hurt and the thought of never being able to see him again destroyed him. He felt so much guilt, guilt for hurting Sam, for leaving Sam and because a part of him still, even after this last year, that part was still wracked with guilt over crossing that line with his younger brother. He should have known it would end like this. He should have forced his feeling deep inside because to understand the love he had for Sammy, they would need to turn the world upside down.

Of course now, none of that mattered anymore...

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This chapter kinda sucked but it will get better and i will update soon (hopefully within the next few days) Please please review! xxxx


	3. Nightmares

SORRY for the long wait guy! To cut a long story short – don't ever drink tea near your laptop! Anyway now its fixed I PROMISE it will be regular. Don't kill me!! This is unbeta'd but I proof read it a few times, but sorry for any typos you might see.

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Nightmares.

Sam's always had them, ever since he was a kid, he would wake up and feel unable to breathe for a few seconds before lying back down, staring at the ceiling. Sometimes he would cry, trying to be as silent as possible as to not awake his sleeping brother. But one time, he couldn't have been more than six, he'd had a nightmare about a ghost. He'd been so scared he nearly wet himself. Slowly he crept across the bedroom and gently poked his sleeping older brother's shoulder.

'Dean?'

'Mmmm?' Dean said half asleep

'Dee....'

Dean's eyes fluttered open when he saw his little brother standing there, in teenage mutant ninja turtle pyjamas, eyes puffy from crying, face like he'd just seen a ghost.

'D'you have another nightmare?' Dean whispered quietly

Sam nodded

Sam didn't need to ask, Dean shifted over and his little brother climbed into the small bed beside him.

'Sammy you're freezing' Dean whispered as he wrapped his arm around his Sam. He played with Sam's hair, which was getting too long, as Sam fell asleep in Dean's arms. John would find them in the morning when he woke them up for school, sometimes laughing as it was a nightmare to pull Sam apart from his older brother.

Sam would never have nightmares sleeping beside Dean.

But now lying in his own hard bed alone, Sam knew if he was to go back to sleep now he would just sink back into the fucked up dreams that made his heart thump with panic, but now that Dean was gone being awake was like one big nightmare. His dad had tried over the last few weeks to make things better, acted as if Dean had never existed. Sam had tried to make some sense of it all. Dean leaving and his dad...the whole 'he won't ever hurt you again Sammy' Dean must have told some garbage lie to his father before he fucked off 'I got someone pregnant' or 'I'm in serious trouble with a drugs gang' Whatever the lie Dean told was, it had seriously angered his father.

But Sam? Sam wished he could just pretend that Dean had never existed, but this horrible feeling he had in the pit of his stomach, like he had lost something, like something was missing inside of him reminded him that Dean was gone. He pulled his legs up to his chest as he sat on the bed. He had school in three hours, a Friday thank god. And then John had said he would take him out shooting at the weekend, which was the last thing Sam wanted. He didn't want to be a hunter, he didn't even know if he wanted to go to college, which is English teacher said he could easily go to. He just didn't know what he wanted anymore. He started at the glow of his cell phone to see the time. 5.17am. He knew he wouldn't get back to sleep now, instead he lay in his bed staring at the ceiling, wondering how his life had got so fucked up. He knew he shouldn't but he would give anything to have Dean lying there with him now. Sam could almost smell his brother's scent as he struggled to get warm.

'We fuckin nearly had the fucker you dumb fuck! Next time you better fuckin pray you don't slip up, or one of these fuckin bullets has got your motherfuckin name on it, you hear me Mitchell?'

'Yes Sir' the man said as he got out of the passenger seat of the black car. He was silent as he followed the other man into the bar.

Mitchell brought the scotch over to 'Sir' who looked pissed off that the deal had gone wrong, he was in no mood to talk about anything other than his business ventures.

'So, how many of those bitches are workin tonight?' Sir said as he sipped on his scotch.

'Most if not all Sir'

'Good good, this shithole city must be full of fresh meat just waiting to be picked up, we should take a look around before we head back to NY tomorrow, more bitches means more money'

'I agree Sir'

'Johnny better get that cash to me by the morning, or I swear down I will kill that fucker myself'

Mitchell nodded, Sir went back to his scotch, that was when he noticed him. The young man standing at the bar, looking lost and depressed. Perfect, just perfect. He thought as he put down his drink and stood up.

'I'm getting another drink, stay here'

He walked up to the bar where the man was sat. The man looked tired and rough but there was no denying that this man was gorgeous, big eyes and full lips. Sir licked his lips as the thoughts ran through his mind, he needed another drink to control his excitement.

'I'll have another' He said to the bartender holding his glass up 'And another for him'

The man looked up from his near empty glass confused, he took a long stare at the older man, he was well dressed. He wanted to say no but he was running extremely low on money and he couldn't really afford another beer so it seemed stupid to turn down a free drink.

'Erm thanks' He said as he nodded at the man

Sir smiled

'So, you live round here then?'

'For now' The younger man said 'And you?'

'On business' Sir said as he took a gulp of his scotch 'What do you?'

The man sighed as he sipped the top of his beer before wiping the foam away from his top lip 'Worked down the shipyard for a few weeks, now looking again'

'Interesting' Sir said Very interesting

'Yeah, need to start lookin tomorrow, maybe jump town if nothing comes up'

Sir took a long drink of his scotch before gulping it down.

'Listen son' He said as he looked up at the younger man 'We could use a guy like you, me and my associates that is, what do ya say to workin for me?' A young guy like you, you would make me a sweet fortune.

The man looked up, surprised by the sudden offer and eagerness of the older man.

'You're offering me a job?' The man said with both suspicion and interest in his voice.

'Yes son I am' the man nodded 'You're just the kinda guy am lookin for'

The younger man laughed as he sat up straight.

'You serious?' He said as he raised his left eyebrow.

The older man nodded 'You'll have to come to NY though, wouldn't that be nice? Outta this shithole'

The man looked up, confused and suspicious, he took one last drink of his beer before looking the older man in the eye.

'Okay'

Sir licked his lips 'Welcome aboard son' he said as he put out his hand to the younger man 'I'm James'

The younger man stood up, before taking the James hand in his.

'Dean, the names Dean'

Sam sighed as he walked into history class, he hated this fucking school. John however, feeling like Sam needed a break from moving, decided to stay in North Carolina. Which Sam hated, while most of the students were discussing their weekend social calendar, Sam slumped back in his chair. Not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. Most of the time people left him alone, thinking he was a freak, sometimes the older boys would annoy him, call him a freak and make up theories as to why he rarely spoke. They came up with a few ideas: he was He didn't give a fuck anymore, he had got into a routine of putting his whole attention into schoolwork, it helped, good grades and it meant he spent time thinking about something other than Dean. He hoped in time he would be able to forget about his older brother and ex lover. A random girl smiled at him a few days ago in the canteen at school, maybe he would ask her out. But right now all Sam wanted was for history to begin to he could hear about fucking world war two or whatever. The teachers voice replacing the words of Dean bashing in his head.

'I don't want you Sam, I never have. You were just a fuck'

But Sam knew, no matter how hard he tried to push that sentence out of his mind, it would never go away.

When he finally got out of school and home John was watching TV, he looked up at his youngest son

'Hey Sammy, how was school?'

'Fine' Sam said as he dumped his bag by the door and went into the kitchen to get a drink, he was tired from having hardly slept the night before.

John stood in the kitchen door way.

'I thought we could get pizza tonight, that okay with you?'

'Yeah, fine' Sam said as he took a drink of orange juice, he knew he should attempt to show his dad a little more enthusiasm but he was exhausted and wanted to wash the shitty week away with a shower.

'I'm gonna take a shower' He said quietly as he brushed past his father

John sighed as he heard the bathroom door shut. Sam had tried his best to hide how miserable he was, but John could see underneath that Sam was struggling to cope. If he wasn't so ashamed he might have taken Sam to see a therapist, after what that pervert did to him. John thought. He just hoped in time Sam would eventually move on, go out with a few girls and eventually he would forget about everything Dean had done to him.

John sure hoped so, he didn't know how much longer he could stand this.

Sam felt a shiver run down his spine as he stood under the spray, everyday he felt like his mind and body were at war. His body ached for Dean, he wanted Dean's lips on his lips, on his neck, all over his body. Sam got a rock hard erection just thinking about all those times when he'd had Dean's body on his when they had managed to steal moments alone. But in his mind, he hated Dean for what'd he'd done to him. Dean used him, took everything Sam had given him and threw it back in his face. Hated how 'I don't want you Sam, I never have. You were just a fuck' ran through his mind every second of everyday. His mind was always there, even before this whole fucked up thing with Dean had started, that voice telling him that those thoughts he was having were sick and wrong and sordid. Still as he looked down at his throbbing erection, trying to ignore the thoughts in his mind as he jerked off, stroking his rock hard dick as he thought about Dean sucking at his neck, Dean whispering in Sam's ear how much he wanted Sam, how much he loved him. Thinking about Dean would smile as he wrapped his arms around his brother and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. Sam couldn't stop himself from saying Dean's name as he shot his load. He got shivers down his back as he leaned against the cold tiled bathroom wall and opened his eyes.

'I don't want you Sam, I never have. You were just a fuck'

The voice battered its way back into his mind, a dirty feeling. He slowly sat down, the showerhead still spraying over his body. He pulled his knees up to his chest. Everything was so fucked up, he hated Dean for doing this to him, for reducing him to this. He felt so used, he felt like a whore. But what he had just done, given into the weakness.

'_I hate you Dean'_


End file.
